Men: You're a cute awesome girl with a job who can hold up her end of a conversation, so I'm going to act like an ass hole.
Us: Is that supposed to be attractive?
Got a story? Contact us at isitattractive@gmail.com
Love,
Ima Kueler Danu and Ms. Awesome
Hey there. Interesting profile. My name is Chuck. I like your style. Message me if I’m your type. I would date you.
- Cut and Paste from OKCupid
Really, dude? You haven’t even met me yet and you would date me? Calm down please.
Hey Gay Bestie of Ima Kueler Danu,
It was great to meet you at the party. Any friend of Ima Kueler Danu is a friend of mine. And you seem like a genuinely nice and fun guy.
Well, I feel very junior high school asking you about Ima Kueler Danu…haha.. But thanks for being a good friend and looking out for her. Yes, she is a great girl - sweet, fun, principled - I have chatted with her online on and off for a year. Basically, I know she is in Texas and nothing long term is likely to happen now. Still, I thought we might be a little romantic this week - maybe a kiss on new years, which didn’t really happen.
So here is the junior high school part - did she say anything about me? She didn’t go out with that guy from last night did she? The tall guy with the beard - just sayin - I looked at his FB profile, and he is kind of a conservative asshole..
Anyway - regardless - maybe we can be fb friends and run into each other again.
Best,
Creepy Creepster
I came across your profile and was wondering if you would accept an engagement of witty banter between two intellectuals. Of course this “engagement” may start off as purely platonic but my sensual desires will most likely guide our cohesive unity down more erotic, lascivious, and sexual paths that will include but are not limited to rump pounding, sperm warfare, sexual acts involving food, and an abundance of new unchartered sexual positions where I assert my pure dominance in establishing a realm of absolute sovereignty in your nether regions.
I look forward to hearing back from you Please don’t keep me waiting.
| Friend: | Are you okay? |
|---|---|
| Ms. Awesome: | I was feeling pretty crappy last night, but this morning I read the NY Times at a coffee shop and ordered a new guy from OkCupid, so I'm feeling better. |
| Friend: | Well, I'm glad to hear you're bouncing back. |
Count on a guy to be approximately three inches shorter than his profile claims.
I can’t go out with you because I think overuse of emoticons might be contagious.
Hi Denial Guy? This is Ms. Awesome calling on behalf of Work Wife. We just wanted to follow up on your recent series of texts and phone calls. Work Wife appreciates your interest but would like to decline comment on your inquiry about a potential relationship at this time. If anything changes we’ll contact you. Thanks!
I mean, I hate men, but I remain optimistic that I will meet one I hate less one day.
Dear Intoxicated Guy at Beer Fest:
I admire your ability to tell me I am cute as I walk by you. However, abrubtly asking me to kiss you four times in a row with the same “no” response from me is unattractive. Try asking my name first. Or the casual, “so, are you having fun?” line. Or even “hey, come here often?” A more strategic approach when you are sober is far more appreciated.
Love,
Ima Kueler Danu
| Mr. Ridiculous: | Don't be so cynical. |
|---|---|
| Ime Keuler Danu: | I'm not cynical, I'm laughing. |
| Mr. Ridiculous: | (Continues to read blog below and quotes it) "It is not attractive when you have a romantic past with Girl One, ask Girl Two for a phone number, and ask Girl Three for a date. Keep in mind Girl One, Girl Two, and Girl Three are great friends." |
| Ime Keuler Danu: | Yes...funny story, right? |
| Mr. Ridiculous: | I have pulled this off before. |
